Cowardice
by bobdabuilder0804
Summary: Post S4. Jack and a new life. Could now be complete, tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

**__**

Cowardice.

She was sleeping soundly when Jack climbed back into their bed, trying not to wake her as he reclaimed his half of the quilt. The mattress still warm as he curled up, trying to forget the images of the dream which had woken him. He shuddered slightly as he tried to drift back off to sleep, but chilling thoughts refused to leave, they would never allow him to forget the truth.

Guilt had hurt him enough as he had ran: away from the Chinese, from Audrey, from himself. The knowledge of this only made the demons chase him faster, or so it had seemed at the time. Then he found himself here, and somehow, the ground hadn't crumbled beneath his feet. Over four months had passed, and he was still cautious as though testing the ice to be sure that it would hold his weight when he crossed.

He looked across at the woman laid next to him, her golden hair splayed over her face in a mess. He raised his hand to move it, but stopped when her own hand clawed at the frizzy mess pulling it away so she could see and smile sleepily at him. He smiled back timid and shy, tensing up as she gently pulled his hand towards her and let it rest on her growing stomach. Using her thumb to draw soft patterns on the back of his hand Gina fell back to sleep. Jack whispered her name gently before sighing deeply as his conscience began to interrogate him again; _why are you doing this to her?_

Kissing her forehead Jack shifted closer to her, wrapping his free arm around her body as though trying to prove something to himself. He closed his eyes as the scent of her shampoo filtered into his senses - he didn't need to prove his love for her to himself. He knew he loved her, even though the realisation still sometimes scared him. But the lies, he thought wearily as his eyes began to droop, how could he live with himself knowing she loved a man who didn't exist?

Gina had been incredibly patient over the course of there relationship, knowing that he needed space and giving him it. Who would have thought that another one night stand would be so profitable and could develop into something as strong as love? Jack was still amazed that he had been able to feel such feelings again, especially after he had lost everything he had ever had, including another false love.

He closed his eyes as the life of Jack Bauer flashed through his mind. Kim, his friends and family, Terri, CTU… She would never know of any of it. Even if he wanted to tell her he couldn't, because then she would know he had lied and then they would be over. He didn't want this to end, it gave him comfort and a reason for living…

After last weeks revelation he knew he couldn't walk away for her own good even if he wanted to… he couldn't desert a woman he loved and a child. His child. He couldn't condemn them because of his own misfortunate fate or hidden misery.

The baby. That's what was stirring up these conflicting emotions, his desire to make Gina happy contrasted with his hatred of the lies he had been forced to tell her. His second chance at fatherhood excited him, but knowing he wouldn't be able to share the joy with the people who he cared about, who would fuss and joke about it, depressed him. He was trapped, but in a place where he wanted to be. He loved Gina and he loved the image of the baby which was conjured up into his mind whenever they talked about it - but he had lied to her - how could he ever rid himself of the guilt without telling her the truth?

Terri and their unborn child often visited his dreams, but they didn't make him feel bad. He took their visits as a warning, of what could go wrong with Gina. Maybe they were to serve as an analogy, to show him how different this could be, now he was no longer doomed to be Jack Bauer.

Thinking about it made his head hurt, he didn't know what to do. He couldn't stop the dreams and he didn't want to stop the images of his daughter or friends from visiting him when the loneliness crept up on him. He knew he had to ignore the past, he couldn't go back so he should concentrate on moving forwards; he had a family that needed him now. Still, he couldn't ever ignore the tingling sensation he felt when Gina told him she loved him, almost a small voice in his mind reminded him of the untold truths, and the terrifying fact that she couldn't love him, when she knew barely anything about his past.

Gina said he made her feel safe. She said he made her laugh. Was that enough? When she first told him she loved him he had covered up his shock by laughing. He had joked that she was only vocal on her love for him in bed. He had found it hard to admit his love for her out loud in fear of something terrible going wrong, but he knew it hurt her and he knew the love he felt was true. He tried to embrace it, remembering the time when they had first spoken, and he had told himself love was something he wasn't going to talk himself into.

Love was something he was sure he would never experience again. This was not love. Only it was. Even if there were lies, the way he felt for her was true. His earlier denials made his acceptance even more fulfilling; things seemed perfect. Too good to be true - and he was terrified that the glass walls they had carefully built up around their relationship would splinter and crash into worthless shards on the floor.

Only it hadn't. Even with the surprise of the pregnancy, things were going fine. Better than fine, he realised, it still seemed perfect. It made him almost paranoid, until he had convinced himself Bauer was the thing which was going to ruin it. She would find out. He would confess. She would leave him and hate him and he would lose everything,

His fear made him almost admit the truth to her, but he had bottled out. Why ruin something so good, for information she didn't need to know? It had worked despite his conscience continually telling him that the information was something she needed to know. He would ignore it for as long as he could, maybe the thoughts would go away after she had the baby?

Thoughts of Kim were relentless though, being happy about the baby made him think he was betraying her. The thoughts made him cry at time, how terrible he had been to his little girl. That was what ate him up the most, Gina knew something was wrong when Kim flittered through his mind, but he could never talk to her about it.

Gina hadn't asked him much about his past, even if he was generally interested in hers. She knew he was uncomfortable with talking about himself, she found the sense of mystery attractive. It didn't come between them, she was more concerned about there future together than a past which was alien to them. Her enthusiastic outlook on life was comforting, he had to believe he could work through this. Why deny himself something he needed, and more importantly wanted?

The flashbacks didn't come often, but when they did he couldn't help but wallow in misery. It wasn't self pity, it was Gina he was depressed for. And how he had deceived her. He sometimes questioned himself, even if he wasn't Bauer anymore he was still being himself, she had fallen in love with him. She hadn't asked him anything which had directly caused him to lie, and the only information he had faked had been a general history, along with his identity which CTU had provided. Was this really so bad, wasn't it for her own safety too?

****

The dreams and flashbacks were not real. Richard Johnson was real now. It was all he had, why long for something you can't have? He loved Gina, he wanted to be with her, and he hadn't hurt her like he had the others. Why should this be doomed to fail?

Finally falling to sleep he knew he wouldn't tell her the truth. Was he being a coward or a realist? Jack Bauer was dead, but being dead wasn't as easy as it seemed…


	2. Chapter 2

The room had been tidied, Jack noticed as he closed the bathroom door behind himself. The smell of vanilla air freshener hung in the air and it made him smile. Audrey had been so clumsy, expecting others to clear up her own mess all the time; it was nice to see somebody take account of their own actions and space. The realisation of the contrast made him smile to himself as he tightened the fluffy towel around his waste a little tighter.

"Hey," Gina greeted as she came into the room, "what are you smirking to yourself about?"

Jack laughed as she wrapped her arms around him from behind. He was still wet from the shower and her thin shirt clung to him, making her giggle as she pulled it away. Jack took the opportunity to turn around to face her before allowing her to hold him again as they both leaned in for a light brush of their lips.

Jack felt the coldness of the room and finally pulled away from Gina, eager to get dressed and warm up some, knowing they wouldn't be putting the heating on until he got paid next week.

"Were you up last night?"

Jack continued to towel himself off as he considered her question. He decided to give her the simple answer. "I woke up thirsty and went to get a glass of water." It wasn't untrue, he thought, he did go get a drink. She didn't need to know he had a nightmare, it would only lead to more questions. "Don't you remember?" He added, knowing she probably couldn't.

"Did I wake up? I guess I was tired I can't remember a thing," she laughed. Her laugh made Jack smile, it was one of those deep belly laughs which were infectious.

"You need to start taking it easier at work," he began, before stopping to pull his black sweater over his head.

"Yes father," Gina taunted sarcastically as she rolled her eyes, pleased with her reward, a shy smile from Jack. "Don't you need to get going to work anyway?"

Laughing at her once more Jack, now dressed, pulled her to him, the shy smile still there, with a hint of mischief. He tried to steal a kiss from her but Gina moved away at the last minute, chuckling in a child like manner.

"I think," he said carefully, "work can wait," before trying to kiss her again. This time she allowed it and the kiss was deep before she pulled away, deciding she wanted to play some more. "Besides," Jack added as a afterthought, "its not like the damn trucks are gonna drive themselves away… Not until I've fixed them anyway!"

Gina squealed in mock amusement as she clapped her hands. Jack picked her up and carried her over to the bed playfully teasing her, pretending to worry that he wasn't able to carry her and asking her to hold on just in case he had to let go. Grinning from ear to ear the two sank onto the lumpy bed sheets, finally silent as they lay together, both silently contemplating there own thoughts.

Jack smiled softly as he looked up at the ceiling. Gina moved so her head was resting against his chest, he liked the warmth she provided. He could smell the scent of her hair, it was soft and sweet. Closing his eyes Jack realised that this was real. He wasn't seeking relief or comfort in her. This was bliss.

As though reading his thoughts Gina began to speak, quietly rolling a long lock of her wavy hair around her finger.

"Ric?"

"Yeah," he whispered, his voice gruff.

"I'm glad we met."

"Me too," he said softly glancing down at her.

"I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

Jack walked briskly down the quiet streets with his hands huddled into his pockets savouring what little warmth he could. It was getting cold, the nights were getting darker too. The area was small and quiet, people kept to themselves, it suited Jack perfectly. Gina didn't mind, having had no real job or qualifications she had moved from town to town trying to keep up with the rent for as long as she could remember, until she and Jack met.

Their place was run down when they bought it, but it had given them shelter, which was all they had needed until Jack began to fix it up. He'd dealt with the major issues as soon as they had settled in, fixing the leaky roof and sealing up the windows. After fixing the pipes so they could have hot water he'd had to put the work on hold to get a proper job, they had needed the money. After three months working as a mechanic the money had come more easily and together they'd made their home comfortable. It was small but cosy, and held everything either of them needed or wanted.

Gina was working in a small dry cleaners store in the next town, a quick bus ride away. The garage Jack worked with was within walking distance on the outskirts of the town. Jack worked as often as he could, knowing money was important if they were going to be raising a child together.

He didn't have much left from his old life, most of having gone to Kim as he had wished. He'd saved some emergency money in a hidden account in case he needed to move in a hurry. The more time spent with Gina, the less he thought about China or ever having to run again. He didn't want to have to leave, and now with the baby on its way, he knew he wouldn't anyway, they'd have to come and get him.

Pushing through the gate Jack carefully stepped over the small rocky garden and into the house. Once inside he peeled his jacket off, throwing it over the banister he made his way into the small kitchen knowing Gina would be there as all of the other lights were out. Jack passed through the small hallway kicking his shoes off and popping them into the basket Gina insisted they used. Three tins of peach paint were stacked neatly next to their make shift shoe box, ready for his next DIY project; the nursery. Only this time it would be a joint effort, Gina wanted them to do it together and he hadn't objected.

Moving away Jack smiled to himself, it was strange living this new life, it seemed to inferior compared to the life he had once led, yet they both shared the same worries and pleasures. Smirking to himself he thought of Terri, she'd be shocked to see him living this way, almost domestically, it was still foreign to himself. He could almost describe it as peaceful, but that was only true to an extent.

If it hadn't been for his memories it could be true, but the feelings of loss still followed him around. With Gina and the baby he'd gotten better at ignoring them. He'd convinced himself that if he could go back to LA, this would be the life he would want. Only he'd be able to have his daughter and friends and conscience back too. Shaking his head he told himself not to dwell, he was lucky to have picked himself up from the floor at all, never mind create a new, fresh life for himself.

He made himself force a smile when he met Gina in the kitchen, preparing some food for them later. As he entered the room it felt false, but then when she turned to face him it became genuine and he couldn't help but start to laugh, which perked Gina's curiosity.

After a quick kiss she noticed the state of him. "Jack your filthy," she laughed, pushing him away.

"Gee thanks," he laughed, grabbing a cloth from the sink to wash his hands with.

"Jack," she wailed sarcastically, "you need to get a shower, washing you hands wont help get the oil off your face!"

"A shower it is," he said mockingly as he headed to the bathroom, not allowing any thoughts of his past enter his mind. He couldn't dwell on the past, especially not when he was happy here. Surely Kim would be happy that he was happy, rather than dead? The thought made him smile as he climbed into the shower, before he pushed all thoughts of Bauer from his mind and willed them not to return.


	4. Chapter 4

After dinner Jack washed the dishes and put them away, Gina always tried to do them but Jack would never let her. She had cooked the food, washing up afterwards was his way of saying thank you. Gina always giggled at how long it took for him to complete the task, not knowing that Jack was often consumed with thoughts of Terri and a young Kim whilst he did them.

He had memories of the times when Kim would want to play 'grown ups,' and do the dishes, with her fathers supervision. The washing up liquid would produce bubbles and they never got any further along. Terri would clean Kim up and take her to bed afterwards, and return to see the cleaned dishes stacked up on the draining board still coated in foam. The memory made him smile the way Terri would when she would see the mess. A silly lopsided playful grin would spread over her face; only Jack didn't always realise he was mirroring the memory, one of the many he had tried, and failed, to deny himself.

Gina pulled him to the small shabby couch in the living room once they were done and they channel surfed through the programmes, neither interested on watching anything. Gina pressed the mute button and tossed the remote onto a chair in the corner of the small room, putting her feet up on to low table which separated the TV from the couch.

"I am beat," she stated, moving over to lay her head on his chest as Jack watched the dull and silent images on the screen without seeing anything.

"Hmmm," he muttered, tired himself. She was drawing patterns on the back of his hand without realising; it always made him smile.

Perking up Gina grinned as she sat back up, her hand still clasped around Jacks. "Which would you prefer, Ric, a boy or a girl?"

Jack was unprepared for the question although it was a thought which had twisted through his mind occasionally since he was told the news, weeks ago.

"I don't think we get to chose," he smirked, earning him a playful squeeze on his arm.

"I want one of each," Gina announced, settling back down in the couch.

"Twins?" Jack asked, the possibility new to him.

"Why not?" she laughed, "I'd love twins. One in pink and one in blue…" she said as she moved Jacks hand so it rested on her stomach. She was still small but the curves were becoming more defined as the days grew on.

"What about names," she asked, used to the structure of their conversations, prodding Jack for an answer.

"Well that depends," he said, appearing to be lost in thought.

"If we get a boy we could call him Richard, just like his daddy," she laughed, but realised instantly Jack did not like her suggestion.

"I' rather not," he said tensely, "it's a bit old fashioned," he said as means of explanation.

"Sure," Gina nodded, "coming from Mr. Tradition himself!"

"I am not traditional," he laughed, enjoying the playful banter.

"Okay what names do you like?"

"I really don't know," he sighed, thinking hard, "Thomas?"

Gina started laughing again, "that is an old fashioned name," she said, before giggling as Jack tried to tickle her, "but I like it."

"What if it's a girl," Jack dared to ask, too scared to answer the question himself. H didn't know how he could cope, having a baby daughter while allowing his gown daughter to mourn for him.

"I think we should pick a short name," Gina said seriously, making Jack laugh as his face curled up in confusion, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well I was thinking, if we get is a short name it will be easier for them to spell when they start school," she said seriously, it made Jacks grin grow even bigger as he tried not to laugh.

"No matter what we name it, its gonna learn to spell its name eventually."

"It," she mocked, "no, if the baby," she said putting emphasis on baby, "can spell its name easier than everybody else, then-"

"Then they will be smarter," Jack broke in, "honey the time it takes to learn its name doesn't matter - its intelligence depends on other things!" He laughed, but he could see she had been thinking about the idea. "Okay, what were you thinking?"

"Well Thomas could be "Tom," and if a girl, I don't know there's plenty… Jill, Jan, Kim…"

Jack drew in a sharp intake of breath causing Gina to stop and look at him curiously. He had paled.

"What's wrong Jack," she asked as she slowly grew more worried.

"Nothing," Jack tried to look normal but he couldn't, his hands had begun to tremble. Thinking hard he knew he needed some explanation or she'd be suspicious. "My mother was called Jan, that's not a name I like," he added with a slight frown. It was good enough to convince Gina who thought no more of it as they spent the rest of the night laughing and joking about the various names they could chose for there child to be.


	5. Chapter 5

Gina's bump was visible by the time they started work on the nursery. Jack had managed to get a week clear of work from the garage and he and Gina made the most of it. Gina pulled Jack to the shops where they spent the money saved on tiny garments for the child, along with other essentials they would need when the baby would arrive. Still months away they didn't care, wanting to stock up on as many things as possible in case there money somehow froze up. Gina admitted her desire to spoil the baby rotten and Jack had smiled at the love she held for the baby inside of her, not disagreeing with her plans in the slightest.

Jack enjoyed the shopping trips more than he liked to admit. During Terri's pregnancy they hadn't had the time to do anything like this, and with her parents influence over them Jack didn't spend as much time with his fiancée as he had wanted to. He sometimes felt that she'd had to do all of this alone, but deep down he knew that he wasn't being fair on himself thinking that as it wasn't entirely his fault. Something deep down told him that Terri would agree if she were still here. Rather than wallow in the guilt of how she was no longer here, because of him, he allowed himself to enjoy this new aspect of life and bask in the joy of the life he and Gina had, together, had created.

They had painted the room together, playfully breaking off to attack each other with their paintbrushes. Jack couldn't remember ever feeling so free of himself, that he was able to joke around playfully with anybody was almost foreign to him. Yet it felt so right, he had realised, appreciative of another thing the new life had given him, the ability to relax and enjoy himself without having to worry of the consequences.

Working at CTU, he couldn't remember ever fooling around. He'd always been so serious and tense, something he did not miss, CTU had made a mess of him. At least he was making things right this time, and doing right by himself in the process. Reflecting on the old and new Jack could make him feel good, but then the deceit to his loved ones - both Kim and Gina, made him feel ill, and he would question himself once more.

Did he deserve to be fooling around with his partner, the mother of his growing child? He couldn't help but feel this was much, much more than he ever deserved, perhaps a life somebody else had earned, certainly not himself. Despite this he ignored the feeling of unworthiness he sometimes felt when Gina smiled at him, this was his life now and he would make the best of it, for himself and his family.

After another exhausting day they had completed the nursery, Gina had tears in her eyes as the surveyed the final product, the cot and the little pieces of furniture they had assembled, teddy bears scattered around the room, the wardrobe already filled with clothing of every size and colour.

"Its perfect," she whispered, choking up. Jack almost chocked up himself as he pulled his arm around her.

"Yeah," he whispered, his voice soft as he thought about her words, "its really is," he added, pulling her even closer to him as closed his eyes in thanks and acceptance, praying nothing would snatch this life away from him, like it had the life of Bauer.


	6. Chapter 6

They had finished the nursery and Jack went back to work, and to their delight was given days off more frequently, which they used to spend time together. Gina had left her small part time job at Jacks insistence, he was worried about her overworking herself. She had found it silly but liked the idea of being a stay at home mother, even before the birth. The relief Jack had shown allowed Gina realise the extent of his worry, for her and the child.

Gina decided that she wanted to knit some clothes for the baby in her spare time, and so they spent an afternoon together laughing and joking as Gina tried to teach herself to knit. Jack unhelpfully tried to figure out the diagrams in the leaflet which came free with the needles, unable to understand why she wanted to bother making clothes when they had the money to buy them.

There was still a while to wait for the arrival of the child, they both agreed to wait for the birth to find out its gender, not wanting to be told by the doctors scans a moment before. Gina's bump was still relatively small but her curves had become more defined, and Jack loved it.

Two weeks after the first experiment with the knitting needles, Jack arrived home from work to see the first garment produced. Gina handled it with caution as though it was a delicate child itself, her sensitivity made him warm. After showering and dinner they sat together and at Gina's insistence Jack took the jacket from her to admire it, knowing she was pleased with her creation.

"Do you think it will really fit it, its so tiny," Jack said, handing her back the cardigan and watching as she carefully folded it up before sitting back down next to him.

"Ric," she laughed, getting comfortable in his arms, "I think you need to get out of the habit of calling our child it."

"But what do I say," Jack said seriously, "we can't call it he or she because we don't know, 'it' comes naturally after that," he added with a chuckle.

"How about, 'the baby,' or, 'our child,'" Gina suggested, sarcasm oozed from her voice, making Jacks smile grow.

"I prefer 'it,'" Jack sniggered mischievously as Gina tried to wriggle away from him before sitting back into his arms thoughtfully.

"We still haven't decided on any names," she said.

"Well how can we decide on a name when we don't know what its gonna be," Jack said, his attention on the television.

"Oh I don't know," Gina said with exaggeration, "how about we settle on names we like for a boy and a girl, I think its safe to say its going to be one of the two," she added, playfully elbowing him in the stomach.

"Okay… well I don't mind, so you pick."

"Ric," she said while rolling her eyes, "last time I suggested names you said you didn't like them."

"That's because they were stupid names," he laughed, getting a snicker from Gina too.

"Well how about we decide on the name we can be certain on giving it whether its girl or a boy."

"I'm not calling the kid Sam," Jack laughed, misunderstanding her.

"No you idiot," Gina said, holding her side as she laughed, "Johnson or Carter? I know we're not married but I like the idea of the child having their fathers name," she said, watching him carefully, seeing his discomfort easily.

"But we're not married," he said testily, hoping she wouldn't take this as an invitation of marriage. "I like the thought of it having your name," he said, trailing off, not being able to back up his statement.

"Why?" Gina asked coldly, getting aggravated.

"Well, I just do. I have my mothers name and my parents were married," he lied, knowing one day the little lies were going to add up and she'd start to figure something out.

"Are you sure that's why," she said, moving away so she couldn face him, "do you even want this child Ric?"

Jack looked up at her surprised, "of course I do, you know I do, I can't wait for it," he answered truthfully.

"Then why do I get the impression you're just making things easier on yourself to get away and leave us!"

Jack looked shocked, "what are you trying to say Gina, that I'm just gonna leave? Just leave my child! Is that what you think of me," he demanded, his temper matching hers, how could she even suggest that?

"I don't think that but it's the impression I'm starting to get! You're so evasive whenever we talk about naming this baby, I just wanna know why," she yelled.

Calming down some Jack took a breath, this wasn't her fault, and she was right, he was being evasive. But he had a damn good reason for being so, if only he could tell her…

"It's just a name," he said lamely, "that's all."

"That's not good enough Ric!" She yelled as she started to storm up the stairs. Jack started to follow her but was quickly stopped. Spinning around she yelled, "don't follow me Ric, I don't wanna see you tonight. Sleep on the damn couch," she ordered, before running up the rest of the stairs and slamming the bedroom door.

Slinking back down the stairs Jack retook his place on the sofa, his inside resolve crumbling, if only he could tell her the truth… Eyeing the tiny cardigan Jack held it to his face as he tried to stay in control, he couldn't break down, this was his fault, he had caused it, he didn't deserve to cry.


	7. Chapter 7

It was dark in the room, she made no use of the light switch or the lamps which occupied both bedside tables. Still crying, she laid out on the bed as she let the tears run freely. Her eyes stung but she didn't care, she welcomed the pain, it was her only companion. Her heart was breaking all over again and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Getting up she raked a hand through her hair and left the bedroom, his scent was too strong, it made things seem worse, her world seem darker. Sat on the edge of the bath tub she looked at the photo frame in her hand, the glass was smeared with her tears from previous encounters but she didn't care. Running her hands over his face she smiled, they had been so happy then; then suddenly it had all been snatched away from them. Why, she asked, what had she done to deserve this? To be all alone… it was a sentence worse than death.

After splashing her face with water she discarded the photograph, knowing she had images in her mind, images of the man she had once known before he had changed. Back in her room she collapsed onto the bed again, loosing consciousness amidst the furry or tears.

Minutes later, soft footsteps could be herd climbing the stairs, but she was in a deep sleep to hear them. Opening the door a crack the figure squinted through the door. Seeing the woman laid on the bed he shook his head before leaving the house, he'd have to wait.

Perched by the doorway Gina looked in on Jack, feeling bad when she saw his sleeping form on the couch, the cardigan on his side, one hand gently resting on it. Moving into the room she sat on the edge of the worn sofa and gently ran her hands through his hair until he woke.

He did so slowly, giving her a gentle smile before slowly sitting up, pulling her to him instantly. She could feel the intensity of his hug, he was worried he'd upset her; his love of her made her smile, she was glad the feelings between them were mutual.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, "I know I should be more involved in this. Its just I sometimes get… weird…"

Gina giggled softly in his ear, there arms still wrapped around each other she rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry for being bad tempered. You've been at work all day then I nag you when you get home… I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You've nothing to be sorry about," he said, and he meant it, she could tell. "I love you, and I love this baby. I'm so happy here, and in four months time… I'm going to be the happiest man on the planet," he said, brushing her cheek with his lips.

Closing his eyes he held her tighter, he felt his emotions run through him - he meant every single word he had uttered to Gina. He loved her, and he loved their child. But he had felt the same way about Teri and Kim, and now they were both gone forever.

"Ric," she whispered, "I love you, thank you."

"For what," Jack asked as she pulled away so she could look him in the eyes.

"For being perfect," she whispered, "for being you."

He smiled, fighting the inner conflict which instantly flared up inside. Did she even know who 'he' was?

"You're perfect," he said, mirroring her words, "and I am the luckiest man alive. Believe me," he said, pulling her to her feet and gently carrying her upstairs, knowing the words he had spoken were true, no doubt crept in this time. This was for real.


	8. Chapter 8

It was warm in the house, but she was shivering. He watched her from the doorway as she wrapped the blanket round her frail form tightly, before she cried into it, letting the tears run down her face. As she broke down, the elder man moved out of the room and left her alone, not knowing how to comfort her. He felt helpless, there was nothing he or anybody else could do to help her. Her life was in ruins and her heart had been shattered. It wouldn't be possible to put the pieces back together again, and that knowledge scared him more than anything else in the world.

Jack stretched out in bed, the sun was peeking through the ratty blinds. A strip of golden light ran over Gina's face, he traced it with his hand as he gently woke her . She woke with a smile and kissed him back, snuggling up against his bare chest.

"What do you wanna do today," she asked sleepily, knowing he had the day off.

"How about we stay in bed all day," he said seductively, a childish giggle erupted from Gina as she pulled the covers up.

"Wasn't last night good enough," she replied, a smile almost as mischievous as his.

"Erm…" Jack said, pretending to be lost in thought.

"Shhhh," Gina said, in mock seriousness, pulling Jacks hand to her bump as the child inside kicked. "Its awake," she said, emphasising 'it,' while smirking at him, "we don't want to raise a horny child do we?"

Sitting in the room adjacent to his daughters, the old man held his head in his hands, feeling every inch of her pain. This was no way to live, he knew, but she had no life now. She had lost everything, she was still free falling through a dark and bottomless pit of despair. For the first time in his life, James Heller had no hope.


	9. Chapter 9

Another month had passed and Gina was getting bigger by the day, even though there was another 12 weeks to wait. Jack worked more and more, determined to have as much cash saved as possible, they both knew they needed it with Gina no longer working. She in turn spent more time knitting cloths for their child, and progressed to teddy bears which now littered the tiny wooden cot.

Jack and she went to her doctors appointments together and they were constantly pleased to hear that there were no concerns or problems with the baby. They both took bets on which gender the baby would be, but it was done in jest, as they had both agreed to keep it a surprise, although they both had their own private inklings on what it would be.

Gina liked to joke that she knew what it was, to tease Jack, but they both knew she was kidding, for he'd escorted her to each appointment; something he had never been able to accomplish when Terri had been carrying Kim.

They enjoyed breakfast together one morning, making more plans for the child. Almost every possibility had been planned for, but neither had mentioned naming the baby since there argument weeks ago. Gina knew it was a sore issue with him, she just didn't know why.

Picking the mail up Jack flicked through the few items passing Gina the ones addressed to her. Only one envelope held his new name, and he opened it with a sigh. He often received mail, but never anything other than bills. He tore the envelope open with no interest, his attention was on Gina who was talking in the background. He unfolded the paper and glanced over the document until he saw the format and his heart almost stopped.

The sheet was almost empty other than a few scarce words centred in the middle of the page : Call Me ASAP.

He could feel his heart beat faster as he screwed the letter up and threw it in the fire. Gina was watching him, and he realised she was waiting for some sort of response to whatever it was she had been talking about. He quickly kissed her on the cheek, as he did so she grabbed his hand and felt the tremble in it.

"What's wrong Ric?"

Scratching his head Jack was at a loss at what to say. "I need to make a phone call," he said edgily.

Gina looked up at him with a bemused expression on her face, now wondering what was in the letter he had thrown on the fire, she'd assumed it was junk mail, now she wasn't so sure. "Well we don't have a phone honey," she said gently, she could see the look of alarm in his eyes; something was very wrong.

"I gotta go find one," he said, before kissing her again and leaving the house, jogging through the streets until he found a phone box. He threw some coins down the slow before dialling the safe number he had memorised as he had left LA. This was the only safe contact number he had, so he hoped it was Tony who had sent the letter. It had to have been, who else could have traced him directly to his home? As he held the phone to his ear he smiled at the thought of Chloe tracking him down, before the phone was snatched up almost instantly, by Almeida.

"Jack?" He asked carefully. Jack was thankful the line was safe, he didn't want to have to talk in code. He was terrified of why the man might be calling him.

"I'm here," Jack said, hearing the panic in his own voice.

"I'm sorry to call you with this, but you asked me to tell you if anything of significance happened and-"

"Tell me." It was a demand, Tony knew he had to.

He held his breath as he tried to form the words in his mouth, wondering how this would affect his friend.

"Audrey's dead," he said, breathing heavily into the phone. He didn't go into details, he was sure Jack wouldn't be able to handle it if he knew the specifics of her death.

There was only silence from Jack as he tried to comprehend what the man had said. His head began to spin, he couldn't understand, think or feel anything.

"Okay," he said timidly, and then slammed the phone down as he staggered out of the phone box not knowing what to do. Leaning against the glass box he slid down it as the image of Audrey finally entered his mind. She was dead. Not being able to stop himself he threw up violently.


	10. Chapter 10

Jack arrived back at the house just under an hour after his abrupt departure; Gina was worried. He stumbled inside, leaving the door ajar behind himself, she hurried to close it before following him into the living room where he sank into the couch. Leaning on the arm rest he leant his head back with his arms splayed uselessly by his sides as he stared up at the ceiling. His breathing was fast, but he did nothing to hide it, it was as though he hadn't even realised.

Gently placing herself next to Jack she grabbed one of his hands and placed it between both of her own. Feeling the cold she gently rubbed it to try and warm him. Her eyes darted to the fire, she wanted to start it again but something told her not to leave Jack's side.

"Ric," she called gently, but there was no reaction. "What's wrong sweetie," she asked softly, not wanting to startle him.

He sat up slowly, removing his hand and rubbing it across his face. Looking down at the couch he whispered, "I'm sorry if I scared you. I shouldn't have left in such a hurry."

"It was the letter, wasn't it," she said, casting another sideways glance at the fire which almost completely died, wishing she had been able to see the paper before he had thrown it into the flames.

"Yeah. I… I got some bad news," he croaked, rubbing a hand across his face again, almost trying to hide behind it. How could he explain this to her, when she knew nothing of what had once been his life?

"Well what was it?" Gina asked, now even more worried. Jack had never spoken of any past or any ties to himself, so how bad news could this be? Who would be sending them news at all?

"I… a friend of mine.. They died," he said, looking up to meet her eyes; she could see the pain and confusion in his own.

"I'm sorry," Gina said automatically, they both knew it meant nothing. "Who was it," she asked, her voice still soft, she could see he was hurting.

"Somebody I once worked with," he offered, giving no further information. It wasn't a complete lie, he thought, as he began to drift back to his time spent in Washington with Audrey.

"Ric," she paused, "do you, em… do you want to talk about it?" She didn't like to ask, but not to would be rude and insensitive. But, she thought, how could talking help? It hadn't helped herself after her mothers death. So many people had offered to talk to her about it, as though it was going to help her accept the loss - but it hadn't. She smiled slightly as Jack shook his head in answer to her question before he closed his eyes again.

She lent over and kissed him on the forehead, before gently grabbing his arm and beginning to pull him up. "Come on," she said as he sat up on the sofa, "lets get you to bed."

"Gina I'm fine," he said, she shouldn't have to look after him now. He was supposed to be looking after her and the baby. "I should call work anyway," he said as an afterthought, as the small garage flashed into his mind.

"Work is the last thing you need to think about," she said as she pulled him to his feet and led him towards the stairs. She continued to talk to him, knowing and understanding that he wouldn't be fully listening. "You need to lie down and rest, its awful, when you lose somebody… even when you haven't seen them in years… it can be such a shock…."

Leading them into the bedroom she pulled back the covers and Jack sank into the bed, still fully clothed but uncaring. He felt weak and drained, his hands still shook slightly. Covering him up Gina closed the curtains and sat by his side, "Can I get you anything?" She asked.

His eyes stung from holding back the tears. He smiled before taking her hand to pull her closer. "Thank you," he whispered, "you are perfect," he said, but then paused, "I just want to sleep this off, then I am sure I'll be fine."

Getting up and switching the light off Gina spoke once more, "it doesn't matter if you're not, you know," she a little uncertainty which made him smile shyly before his eyes became too heavy to remain open.

He herd the door close and pulled the cover up over his head as he thought about Audrey. His heart ached and his head throbbed. He was sure that his love for Gina was somehow softening the blow of the gruesome news Tony had issued him.

Somehow this made him feel even worse.

Thinking back to their last day together, he remembered how Audrey had lost her husband and her partner within hours of each other. She had lost everything and had nobody to lean on. He felt terrible now, even though the love he had felt for her had died and been recreated in Gina. He fell into a troubled sleep as he wondered just how much pain he had caused Audrey in her life.


	11. Chapter 11

Gina left Jack alone for a few hours, sure he was sleeping. She wanted to go in and comfort him but it was hard, knowing so little about the pain which was soaring through him. Right now the best thing was for him to rest, she decided, as she picked up her knitting needles and got back to work on her most recent project for the ever-growing baby inside of her.

Jack was thankful for Gina's understanding, it was nice to know he didn't have to hide his feelings from her, even if couldn't truthfully tell her the details which had led to this pain. After a couple of hours he woke from a deep sleep to which he couldn't return, thoughts of Audrey filtering through his mind.

He was thankful for being left alone earlier, but now he felt lonely and craved the contact Gina provided. Stepping out of his jeans but leaving his shirt and boxers on, Jack stood at the top of the stairs and called out to her. He herd the sound of the television dim as she scrambled to her feet, a task which now took a considerable amount of effort.

"I'm coming, go back o bed hun, I'll be right there," she sighed as she made her second attempt to get up from the deep cushioned chair.

"'Kay," he mumbled as he staggered back into the bedroom and slipped beneath the covers. He lay still, staring up at the ceiling reminding himself that he needed to replace the coving before they decorated the room.

Gina cleared her throat as she entered the room, one hand hiding something behind her back. "Hey," she said softly as she climbed onto the bed making space for herself and the bump.

"Thanks," he said. She smiled and said nothing about his comment, she knew what he was thanking her for.

"What are you thinking about," she asked, running a hand over his hot forehead as she watched him stare up at the walls.

Jack smirked for a moment, and let out a snort but no laughter followed. "DIY," he said, and Gina laughed lightly.

"I brought somebody to see you," she said, giggling a little, wondering if it was okay to laugh in front of him when he was clearly upset.

"What?" He asked as he lifted himself up from the pillows slightly. The confusion changed to a soft smile as she handed him to teddy bear she had knitted and then stuffed with Jacks own socks. "This is Benny," she said, smiling softly. Jack took the teddy from her and smiled, "he's cute."

"Yeah well, I had a knitted teddy bear when I was a kid and I took it everywhere."

Jack smiled again but said nothing more, his thoughts drifting away again.

"Gina," he said softly as a new thought swam through his mind, "have you ever wanted to turn back time?"

She looked down at the teddy bear as she thought about the question, and then her own answer. "At times, yes, so I could do things differently. But only if I knew I'd still end up here with you," she said, snuggling up to him.

"What about you?" She asked, wondering if he had even herd her as he absently twirled a curl of her hair between his fingers.

"At times I wished I could. But I don't think about it much anymore, I mean… if I could, I would have jumped at the chance to make things right, but now I'm not so sure…" He said, breathing deeply, he was sleepy again.

"You're not sure," she said, gently prodding him, hoping to make him smile.

He smiled but said nothing else, there was nothing else to say. Would he turn back time if he could - lose Gina and their baby to bring back his wife and his baby? It was a question that was too hard to answer so he pushed it away as Audrey came back into his vision.

"This person who died," he said slowly, careful of saying too much, "she was very important to me at one time."

Gina understood the implications behind his statement but said nothing, she just listened. "I just wonder that if things had ended differently between us, would things have gone differently for her?"

_Would she be living a happy life with Paul, or would they both me be dead? _Jack made a mental note to ask of the cause of death when they next spoke, the not knowing was killing him, anything could have happened…

"How did things end?" Gina asked, seeing the upset this caused him.

"Badly," he whispered, looking down at his hands. He couldn't bear to meat his lovers eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

Gina looked down at the bedcovers as she wondered how to respond to Ric's last remark. As she ran her hands over the corner of the bedding Jack spoke again.

"Very badly," he added, this time looking up to meet her eyes.

Gina swallowed hard, not knowing what to say. She didn't know much of her partners past to begin with, but didn't want to ask him about the situation in case he thought she was wanting information from him. All she really wanted was to make him feel better.

"Do you regret it?"

Jacks vision shifted back to the cracked ceiling, before is eyes closed and he nodded his head slightly. Gina felt her eyes well up as the feeling of rejection swelled in her mind. Jack knew he had hurt her but he didn't know how to explain the predicament to her without telling her things she couldn't know.

"Gina, I am so happy to be here with you. You changed my life," he said slowly, lifting himself up on his elbows to face her as he tried to make her hear him. "I never thought I could feel this again, until I met you…"

Gina looked down at him, still hurt. "What's the 'this' that you're feeling?" She asked, spite in her voice, she wanted to hear him explain himself.

Jack sighed and dropped his head back into the pillow as he ran a hand across his face. He tried to speak by couldn't make himself say the words which were imprinted on his brain. 'Accepted,' he thought, 'you love me for who I am.' But he couldn't speak the words aloud, it would be an insult to her, the woman who claimed she loved him but didn't even know his real name.

A tear fell from her eye and ran over her red cheeks as her lips wavered slightly. "Thanks Ric," she said as she started to push herself up from the bed. Jack moved to help her up and she quickly batted his hands away. Jack sat on the end of the bed and silently watched as she slowly made her way out of the room. "Thanks for everything," she quipped sarcastically, patting her stomach gently to emphasise her point.

"Gina!" He called, getting up and going after her, desperate to tell her how he felt; the image of her upset wouldn't overcome his guilt and so he fell silent again.

She ignored him and made her way down the stairs holding onto the banister for support. Jack followed her, his eyes carefully watching her, scared she would trip in her anger.

"I'm sorry," he said, panic in his voice.

"Oh yeah?" Gina challenged once back on level ground. Jack stood still on the bottom step of the rickety staircase, desperation and hurt scrawled over his face. "I'm waiting," she snapped, hands on her hips as Jack looked down at his feet, mouth moving silently as he tried to form words.

"That came out wrong, earlier," he said, looking at her then quickly looking down at his feet again. "I regret leaving things the way I did with that woman," he said, taking a deep breath as he tried to order his words, "because I'm scared that things were harder on her than they needed to be, before she died."

A blank expression rolled over his face as he sat down on the step with his hands clasped on his knees. "But what I really regret," he said, looking up at her again with red eyes as tears rolled down both of her own cheeks, "is upsetting you."

Gina sighed before a small smile briefly touched her lips. The hands fell down to her sides as she moved over and sat her heavy frame down next to his.

"I'm just confused," he said, "this news was so unexpected and it hit me hard and… I'm sorry, there's no excuse for me hurting you," he added, before her hand snaked up and rested on the side of his face. She turned his head so he was facing her and gently stroked her thumb over his stubble and smiled warmly.

"I'm sorry Ric," she whispered, "I know this must be hard for you, losing somebody…" Jack looked down for a moment before taking another sharp breath and resuming the eye contact. "I just got a little jealous," she said, before looking down at her own feet.

"I'm scared, Rich."

It was a complete statement, she offered no more information.

"What?" He asked gently, his tone soft but insistent, making her continue.

"The argument we had about naming the baby, and now this… I guess I'm just a little nervous about having the baby." She paused, Jack couldn't fill the silence, he wanted her to continue.

"My father left my mother just after she had me. He didn't want the responsibility or commitment. I'm just scared that…" She stopped realising Jack would misinterpret her words, "I'm just feeling vulnerable. So when you mentioned this woman… I guess I felt jealous, and… "

Jack shook his head slightly. "I'm sorry about your father," he said seriously, "but I would never, and I mean never, leave you or this baby. You are my family and I love you."

He took her hand and held in both of his gently as she smiled at him. "I guess its my hormones," she added, giving him a smirk as she tilted her head to the side.

Jack smiled with her. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

Gina shook her head and silenced him with a finger to his lips. "Its not your fault. Its just… a result of the circumstances," she added brightly, making Jack laugh a little.

"I feel a little silly," she said, rolling her eyes, "for being jealous of a dead person; and stealing your thunder."

Jack smiled with her as he helped her to her feet and into the chair in the living room.

"You okay?" She asked, seeing his eyes mist over.

Jack nodded, putting his arm around her. "I am fine. I have everything I could ever ask for right here."

As Gina began informing him of her next doctors appointment Jack banished the image of Audrey from his mind, hoping that she herself wouldn't want him hurting over her, even if she had hated him. 'She's gone,' he said to himself, 'she's been gone for a long time and she's never coming back.'

This was his life now, and as he watched Gina concentrate on the knitting pattern splayed out on her lap he realised it was the life he wanted.


	13. Chapter 13

Tony rubbed a hand over his face as he sat down in the booth inside "Joey's Coffee Shop," opposite Chloe. He looked around out of habit but at 5 in the morning, the place was almost empty. A burly man with curly hair wearing a stained white apron came over to take the order but Chloe quickly and rudely shooed him away with the shake of her head and a snarl.

Despite his exhaustion Tony smiled at her attitude as he shook his head slightly with disbelief. "He's just trying to make a living," Tony said gently, knowing it would only provoke her more.

"Yeah well if he didn't hound his customers I'm sure he'd do a lot better."

Tony nodded as he saw Chloe's hand snake down into her bag as she began to search through it. Seconds later she pulled out a cream paper folder and slapped it down on the table. Tony reached out to grab it but Chloe quickly clamped her hands down on it.

Tony stared at Chloe puzzled, but she only glared back at him. 

"I thought it was for me," he said, slightly unnerved by her stare, partly embarrassed by his mistake.

"It is."

"Oh," he replied, trying not to roll his eyes, "then may I please see it?"

"This isn't a social call Tony!" She snapped, a frown forming on her face, she almost looked hurt.

"I know that," he said calmly, confused by the whirlwind of emotions Chloe was displaying. "So what's up?"

Chloe stayed silent again before sighing deeply, as though annoyed, before pulling out her PDA and turning the device on. She didn't take her eyes from the screen as she spoke, but Tony had already grown accustomed to her ignorance of manners.

"You received a phone call last night, late, and were on the line way too long."

Tony began to speak but she interrupted him. "How is he?"

Tony shook his head and felt his patience begin to fade. He ignored her question, knowing she had listened to the call. "You monitor the phone, Chloe, so it doesn't matter how long we stay on the line."

"I know that."

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that I can't monitor this 24-7! I need to be kept in the loop - if communications are going to be made I need to know before hand so I can set up extra firewalls."

"How am I supposed to know if he's gonna call me?" Tony snapped in a harsh whisper, "I'm as out of the loop as you are when it comes to him!"

"Yeah well we need to work on it, you need to devise some kind of schedule-"

"What's wrong, Chloe? If you were simply annoyed about keeping you in the dark you'd have blown of your steam already, something else is up."

"You're right," she said as she slid the folder across to him, "somebody monitored the call."

Tony quickly paled. "What?" He asked, in a state of semi-shock. "How is that possible? Who could-"

"Everything I know is in the folder. When I retraced the call to double up the cells invisibility I noticed something. Sloppy really, but somebody tried to hack into the call."

"They didn't?"

"Of course not, but they were close. I added a lot of useless code to the database so if they try again they will be sent of track."

"You know who did it, where it came from?"

"Everything I found is in the file. There's nothing specific."

Tony paused, "what does this mean?"

"It means," Chloe said carefully, "that Jack could, potentially, be in risk of having his cover blown."

"Shit," Tony said, "SHIT! What the hell do we do?"

"He has to dump the phone. I'm gonna go through everything and make it fool proof, we can't risk a break in of the servers relating to him. But more importantly, he needs to leave."

Tony shook his head, "that's not an option. Jack won't leave."

Chloe knew why, she had re-played the conversation. "Then we have to retrace our tracks, find this person and keep everything hidden to make sure Jack stays dead."

Tony dropped his head into his hands and began to massage his forehead. "Can we do that?"

Chloe frowned again as she carefully placed her PDA back into her shoulder bag. "I guess were gonna find out," she said as she pulled the bag over her shoulder and stalked out of the dim coffee house, not giving Tony a second glance as she strode away.


	14. Chapter 14

Jack was quiet during the next few days. Gina noticed but decided against confronting him on his issues, it was obviously a matter he didn't want to share with her. Jack didn't realise how withdrawn he was becoming, he thought he was hiding it well, keeping Gina happy and her suspicions at bay. But he was wrong.

During the day he was paranoid, his phone call with Tony had awoken the sleeping beast. Not that he had ever had his guard down since staging his death, but now, he couldn't turn a corner in the street without anticipating what may lie ahead. He stopped sleeping, when he did sleep it was troubled and he often disturbed Gina. After a week he began sleeping on the couch, knowing she needed her sleep, he didn't want to risk her health by being selfish.

Gina still stayed silent of his distant behaviour, but when sat eating breakfast together one morning, ten days after the phone call, Jack fell asleep in mid-conversation. Annoyed but worried Gina cleared the table around him and covered him with a blanket. She wanted to move him to the couch so he could rest properly but didn't want him to wake him up. He was obviously exhausted after living like a zombie for over a week.

She returned from her doctors appointment later that day to find him awake and apologetic for not taking her. After discussing the latest scan Jack finally prompted conversation of his own.

"I was wondering," he said slowly, "how you would feel about maybe… moving house?"

Gina slowly sat down on the couch, bewildered by his question. "What?"

"Well, I mean, there's nothing holding us here right?"

Enough was enough. Gina erupted. "You mean there's nothing holding you here!" She yelled, before getting up from the couch. Jack moved to help her but she slapped his hands away.

"I don't know what you mean," he said, "I'm suggesting we just go somewhere else, a better place maybe."

"A better place?" Gina said, furious. "What isn't this place good enough for you now! Is it so bad that it keeps you up every night? Or is that me?"

"Gina," Jack snapped, wanting to defend himself but knowing he didn't deserve to so he said nothing more. Gina looked at him expectantly and then smiled sarcastically as she watched his shoulders slouch. Enraged she stormed up to him, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to face her. "You wanna leave you do it now before this baby is even born."

"I-"

"I cant live like this!" She screamed, "so make things better or leave but I can not live with you like this!"

Jack stood still, unmoving as Gina moved past him, grabbing her glass of water from the table and throwing it down onto the floor with all her might. Satisfied with the smash the left the room and hurried up the stairs, sitting behind the bedroom door so Jack couldn't get in. He didn't even try.


	15. Chapter 15

Tony was seated on an old creaky bench within one of the large green parks within LA. He watched a group of children playing football and laughed as the same dog continued to interrupt their game, snatching the ball up with its teeth and running away. Tony smiled warmly as the kids chased it around the park, eventually winning back the ball only to give it back to the dog willingly, the game of football forgotten as a new game began.

The cell phone was heavy in his hands. He had driven to the park knowing it was a good place to trash it and scatter the contents, but he couldn't make himself do it. This was the only way Jack could contact him, the only link back to his old life. He knew that the source which had tried to tap into the phone call was a strong example of why he needed to ditch the phone, but it also worried him - what if Jack got into trouble and needed to contact him in a hurry?

Shaking his head Tony got up and tucked the cell back into his jeans pocket, unable to make himself do it. He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't help it. Walking back over the green hill Tony zipped his coat up against the cool breeze, telling himself that he could hold onto the phone a little longer; maybe he would toss it tomorrow.

Slumped down on the beat up coach Jack closed his eyes as he tipped the glass up and pored the last of the scotch into his mouth. He squeezed his eyes as the shot burned despite the many others he had drank earlier that night. After Gina ran to their room her sobs had been heard downstairs, despite the space between them. Unable to listen, but not willing to see her in risk of hurting her even more, he grabbed the bottle of alcohol and deciding to be civil, a glass too.

Hours had passed since, no more sound could be heard from Gina. He had stared at the television screen even though it wasn't turned on. Thoughts spun through his mind but he couldn't focus on the individual ones. Terri and Kim's faces swirled around his head as did Gina's. He loved her so much that it hurt to think of leaving her. And the child… how could he abandon his child? But if he didn't, they could be hurt. His stomach tightened as the thought passed through him again, the force feeling like a sledgehammers as he pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose in the hopes of controlling the pounding in his head but it didn't help.

Rolling his head from side to side he got up from the couch and headed for the door, reluctantly leaving the rest of the scotch behind. It was cool outside but thanks to the beer he didn't feel it as he walked down the empty streets looking for another phone box. He hated himself for being so selfish - if he really loved Gina then wouldn't he already be gone?

Jack rested his head against the steel phone as he contemplated turning around and returning home. Was it fair to put his troubles on Tony, didn't he have enough to deal with? Taking a breath he dialled the number and was surprised to hear Chloe answer.

"You tell a man to do something, and he doesn't. Typical."

Jack was startled and stayed silent, wondering what the hell was going on. "Sorry Jack, that was rude of me - its not your fault Tony's an idiot."

"Is he okay?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yes. But I told him to ditch the phone as a precaution. I wasn't confident in his ability to do that and so I set up a diversion in the signal sending it to a different scrambled phone, so his cell would be undisturbed and the call would come through mine."

"Oh." Jack said dumbly, not sure what she was saying.

"Its safe don't worry. And I have software ready in case its traced, so I can trace the tracer."

"Is it serious?" Jack asked quietly, "are they going to find me?"

Chloe let out a long deep breath reminding herself to be patient and sensitive, she was after all, understanding of Jacks predicament. "Not if I stay on it. I've got the phone covered."

"Good."

"It would be wise to move but seen as that's not gonna happen I'm just gonna have to monitor the cell signal as its our only lead."

"Okay."

Chloe was surprised and concerned by his one word answers but knew she had to be careful of how to approach the subject.

"Are you okay?"

Jack chuckled slightly, "I don't know."

"Oh," she said, "well I guess things will clear up either way. Either I find the tracer or the tracer finds you."

Jack stiffened as Chloe mentally kicked herself. "You have any information on the origins of the call?"

Chloe shook her head sadly. "No, but I got the feeling its from inside the US."

Jack said nothing, not knowing if that was good or bad.

"I guess I shouldn't call again."

Chloe signed, "I hate to make your situation worse but that's probably a good idea. I'll have Tony contact you through mail if he needs to pass on any information."

"Yeah," Jack said, "thanks," he said getting ready to end the call.

"Jack?" Chloe said cautiously, "take care."

Again Jack chuckled sarcastically as he hung up the phone. He was drunk and tired but too afraid to return home.


	16. Chapter 16

The following morning Gina made breakfast for herself. She made sure to bang the pots and pans loudly but it didn't wake Jack, who was laid out on the couch in a deep slumber. When he woke later in the afternoon with a throbbing headache from both the alcohol and the memory of his and Chloe's conversation Gina was out shopping. After taking a couple of headache pills Jack slumped into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and held his head in his hands.

He knew he had to cut off all communications, even without Chloe's reassurance that this was necessary, so why was he so reluctant to do so? He itched to call Tony one last time, to say both thank you and goodbye. If things went well with the tracer then he'd never hear from them again. The thought hurt, so he went to take a shower and get cleaned up before he thought any more on the painful subject. Once clean and dressed he resolved that he wouldn't call again, he'd just have to hope that the man knew how much he appreciated the help he had given him as he had started his new life.

Still feeling depressed Jack crossed over the small landing and poked his head through the nursery door. The little cot and stuffed animals lifted his hopes slightly but the feeling was dampened by the thought of him having to leave all of this behind. Leaving the room Jack felt the floor boards creak beneath his feet through the old shabby carpet.

Smirking to himself he went in search of his tools deciding that he would fix the boards, hoping the task would help him clear his mind. As Jack started to carefully pull the battered green carpet up he was already focussed on the task ahead and nothing else.

As soon as Chloe spied Tony in his office she left her station and climbed the metal steps two at a time. Her face wore a frown although she wasn't really angry with him. She was however, annoyed with his incompetence but seen as she had expected as much she had averted any potential danger and so was feeling particularly smug with herself.

"Chloe," Tony said as he draped his jacket on the back of his chair, "what's up?"

"You didn't dump the phone."

Tony looked down at the floor, his face a mixture of embarrassment and anger. "You're right I didn't. But what if Jack gets into trouble and needs to contact us urgently?"

"If there was something that urgent he wouldn't waste time with scrambled lines he'd contact us directly!"

"I'm sorry," he said shyly, "I just couldn't do it. I felt… I felt as though I was abandoning him again."

Chloe wasn't sympathetic, and to illustrate this to him she crossed her arms across her chest defensively. "You're not the one who ordered his assassination are you?"

"No," the man grumbled.

"Then stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's a good job you are so predictable," she said as she sat down on the couch, "I changed the signal so when Jack called you last night I got the call."

"What did he say?"

Ignoring his question she continued on, "it's a good job I did too, seen as somebody tried to hack it again."

"You get into it?"

Chloe shook her head in the negative. "I got into it partially. It was weird. I managed to break into the matrix, it looks really complex from the outside but when I latched onto it all I got was useless code."

"Meaning?"

"That's just it," Chloe said looking worried and confused, "it didn't mean anything."

"Could it be a defensive tactic?"

"That's certainly a possibility," she said, "but I couldn't get into it too deeply as the phone call was brief."

"Well next time we'll get Jack to stay on the line longer," Tony said eagerly.

Chloe shook her head firmly. "And use Jack as bait? I don't think so."

"I didn't mean it like that," he said, "Its just this is the only lead we have."

"And it could mean nothing," Chloe said bluntly. "Anyway, I doubt Jack will be calling again," she added dismissively, but Tony was onto her immediately.

"What did you say to him?" He demanded angrily.

"Nothing! Jacks a smart man, he knows the risks is all."

"Yeah," Tony said dejectedly.

"You shouldn't be so glum," Chloe said brightly, "at least that's not really him buried 6 feet under his headstone," she added as she left the office.

"Not yet anyway," Tony whispered to himself as he watched Chloe climb back down the stairs, wishing he could be as confident as she was about the situation.

As Gina entered the house her hearing was immediately assaulted by the sound of hammering and then a long bout of drilling. Shaking her head she dropped her grocery bags on the table and quickly put the items away, knowing Jack wasn't aware of her presence. As she slowly pulled herself up the stairs Jack noticed her and put his hammer down to reach out a hand and gently help her step over the tools and missing floorboards.

Once inside their room Gina stared at him but said nothing.

"Creaky boards," Jack said, and Gina couldn't help but smile.

"I'm gonna take a nap," she said, the smile still on her face.

"Okay," Jack said nervously, "I'll try be quiet."

He wanted to touch her, kiss her, just show her that he was sorry but he kept his distance not wanting to hurt her further.

"Thanks," Gina replied quietly, pretending not to watch as Jack left the room, slowly closing the door behind himself.

"Shit," she whispered under her breath, deciding Jack was angry with her for the night before. She felt justified for her outburst but at the same time knew Jack wasn't entirely to blame, she had been bad tempered. Upset with herself Gina kicked off her shoes and lay down over the bed covers.

Carefully sliding on of the old boards back into place Jack fought the mist in his eyes. He realised he couldn't hurt Gina anymore than he already had and gave himself an ultimatum; he had to either tell her or leave. He knew he had to chose one, and soon.


	17. Chapter 17

In his office Tony scrawled an address over the sealed white envelope from memory. He put it in his outbox and smiled with relief. The thought of Jack getting his letter and understanding how he felt made him feel better, gave him closure almost. Getting up and stretching he saw Chloe down on the floor, hunched over her station with her eyes fixed on the screen. Tony let out a breath as he hoped Chloe knew just how much he appreciated the help she had given Jack and himself.

Shrugging his suit jacket back on Tony decided he would tell her of the letter and praise her personally for her hard work, he knew she would appreciate nothing more than a pat on the back and a well deserved compliment.

A young looking and spotty faced man entered the office cautiously, holding the door still in case instructed to leave.

"Come in Charlie," Tony said to the new guy. He'd been working a couple of months and it was clear although he was an assistant to all department heads he didn't mind being anybody's errand boy.

"All this ready to go?" He asked as he emptied the outbox items into his satchel.

"Yeah," Tony said, "highest priority as usual."

"As usual," Charlie repeated with a shy smile before he left the office. Tony followed him down the stairs but headed in Chloe's direction. He tapped her on the shoulder gently, she jumped not expecting any contact.

"What?" She snarled as her eyes fixed back on the screen.

"I wrote him a letter."

Chloe looked up at him for a moment before eyeing her keyboard. "I hope you took the precautions necessary," she said sternly.

"Of course I did, its totally safe," he said anxiously.

"Then why are you bothering me?"

Tony smirked slightly, "I wanted to say thanks. You did a good job, with the phone track and all."

"Well its what I do," she said without interest, "so tell me something I don't know."

Tony laughed slightly as he looked down at his thanks. "Well I wanted to say thank you, hopefully this things gonna cool down," he paused, "Jack would want to thank you too you know."

"I know," she said softly, finally giving him the eye contact he expected.

"Good," Tony said, suddenly uncomfortable about speaking of Jack inside CTU.

Chloe's eyes followed Tony as he moved across the floor. Once sure nobody was paying her any attention she let out a sharp breath and smiled proudly to herself.

Inside the empty situation room Charlie sifted through the mass of letters and files he had on his desk. A task he was good at, a task he enjoyed. Only this time, he wasn't ordering, faxing or filing them, he was looking for a specific item. As his hands fell onto the envelope with the rushed handwriting Charlie stopped as his eyes roamed over the addressee's name.

"Richard Johnson," he said quietly, "bingo."

He licked his lips as he realised he had accomplished the task. Pulling out his cell he hit the speed dial and waited patiently before he was put through to his contact.

"Sir," he said professionally, "its me, Charlie Benson."

"You got it, already?"

"Yes sir, I have the information you asked me to collect."

"Send it to me," the gruff voice said, "send it to me right now son, I'll make sure the office are informed of your quick work."

"Thank you sir," Charlie said. He flipped his cell phone shut and folded the letter up and slid it into his pocket. Then he started shifting through the files again, whistling as he worked, hands trembling with excitement.


	18. Chapter 18

Jack was clearing the tools away, his task now complete, when he dropped the heavy toolbox. It hit the floor with a bang and Jack couldn't help but curse under his breath. A few minutes later Gina popped her head around the door looking tired.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I tried to be quiet."

Gina smiled and shook her head. "It wasn't wise of me to try sleep when you were working out here. You finished?"

"Yep."

"Good," she said as she took his hand in hers and gently tugged him towards the door. "Maybe you can tire me out to help me sleep," she said shyly with a mischievous smile on her face. Jack let out a slight chuckle as he followed her into the room but stopped short of the bed as he watched her carefully sit down, a hand on her round stomach as she did so.

"Actually," he said cautiously, "I'd like to talk."

"Okay," Gina said cautiously, shifting up the bed so she was seated next to him, their legs hanging off the edge. Jack stared ahead at the wall as Gina looked down at her hands, scared this was it, the moment he left her and the baby just as her own father had left her mother.

"I was thinking," he said, "we don't really know each other that well." Jack tensed as he spoke knowing this wasn't going to sound the way he wanted it to.

"Well I think we do Ric," she said, "and besides, we both agreed we didn't care about the past, the future was all that mattered."

"I remember," he said softly, "but… but maybe the past does matter." He slowly turned his face to face hers, Gina's eyes were filled with confusion.

"Why?"

"Because…" he said, trying to find his words, "sometimes we need to know…. stuff," he finished lamely, annoyed with himself for his poor wording.

"Look Ric, I don't know what it is you want to know but just ask me outright. I grew up with my mum and got a job once I made it through school - that's about as exciting as my pathetic life was before I left the town - so what's the problem?"

"Not your past," he whispered, and she again looked up at him with confusion. Jack closed his eyes as he finished, "mine."

The grey haired man entered his home and headed straight to his sons room. He tapped on the door with a smile and was pleased to enter it without being assaulted with the smell of cigarette smoke, or that of any other harmful substances for that matter.

"Hey dad," his son greeted him, laid back on his bed watching the television.

"The name you found through the CTU files, it checked out."

The young man sat up startled, "it did!" he asked, a small smile flitting over his face for the first time in months.

"Yes," his father said, "and from that I managed to get an address, again from within CTU."

"This is awesome dad," the guy said, smiling again as his father gave him a brief hug.

"I'm heading out to the area," the father said, "I'll be gone a few days."

The dark haired man turned off the television before turning to face his father seriously. "Be careful dad, and don't forget your priorities when you find him." Seeing the slightly uncertain look on his fathers face he continued, "don't forget why we did this, I think you should hand the SOB over to China."

The elder man smiled slightly at his sons anger and shook his head slightly. "I know what has to be done. Don't worry, I'll get it done."


	19. Chapter 19

The silence which suddenly surrounded them was unnerving. Jack was staring ahead at the wall again, trying to decide what to do; tell her or flee? He slyly stole a quick glance form the corner of his eye at Gina. She was fiddling with her hands and chewing her lip. Like him, she was lost for words but she tried anyway.

"What is it? What do you need to tell me?" She heard Jack sigh and tried to reassure him, "it will be okay."

Jack looked at her and shifted away from her slightly. "Will it? I'm not so sure," he trailed off.

"Did you do something wrong?" She asked, thinking aloud, trying to understand what it was he didn't want to tell her.

"Yes."

"Something bad?"

"Yes."

"It doesn't matter," she repeated, her voice higher as she tried to reassure the pair of them. "The past doesn't matter Ric, tell me about it if it makes you feel better and then we can both move on, together."

Jack frowned and gently took her hand, placing it between both of his. "What you need to understand is that this is something so big that we may not be able to move on. My past actions… they could catch up with me… and you -"

"What do you mean?" There was a slight note of worry in her voice, Jack squeezed his eyes closed, unable to continue.

"Ric? Richard…"

Finally Jack snapped. "Don't call me that!" He was surprised by the harsh and bitter tone of his voice and Gina was silently stunned. She stared at him but there was no fear in her eyes. It was more surprise and curiosity, she wanted him to continue, he knew; so he did.

"That isn't my name."

The silence returned and this time Gina made no attempt to break it. She stared him with a small frown on her face, disappointment rather than anger, and simply watched him as she waited for him to continue.

"My name is Jack… or it was anyway."

Gina sighed and looked back down at her stomach, her patience was starting to wear.

"Listen Ric, I mean Jack, or whoever you are. I'm tired and I'm getting bored. Either tell me whatever the hell it is you are trying to say now, or leave. I haven't got the time or the energy to play mind games with you. I'm not all that smart so if you have some story to tell keep it simple. And if this is some kind of sick wind up I swear to God I'm gonna hurt you." She finished with a soft smile on her face and Jack couldn't help but smile too. But then he remembered what he had to tell her and it soon vanished as sadness filled his eyes.

"I love you. I don't wanna lose you. That's why I have to tell you this."

"Okay," she said softly, "so tell me."

"Before I do, I just need you to know that I never wanted to lie to you. I had no choice. The only reason I'm telling you this is because some friends of mine fear that I could be putting you in danger by being with you."

He paused and Gina nodded at him to continue, her face was blank but he couldn't help but notice how her arms crossed defensively over her stomach when he mentioned the possibility of danger.

"Before I go on, I need you to understand that this information… it can't leave this room, you can't tell a soul."

Gina smiled again, "who am I gonna tell?" She saw that he wasn't comfortable with that alone so she added, "you trust me right?"

Jack smiled, "of course."

"The tell me."

"My real name is Jack Bauer. I was a federal agent working for the Counter Terrorist Unit in Los Angeles for years until I took up a position in Washington working as a special assistant to the Secretary of Defence James Heller."

Gina's eyes went wide and he continued, now he was speaking the words he had banned himself from speaking he couldn't stop himself. "On the day of Habid Marwan's terrorist attacks I was brought back into CTU to stop them. We were successful, but that success rested on a covert attack on the Chinese consulate. I led it, knowing that if something were to go wrong the government source who had sanctioned it would claim deniability - that's who it works," he added, seeing a look of shock cross her face then quickly fade. "The consulate was killed during the raid by friendly fire, and so after kidnapping an agent who was on my team, the Chinese government came looking for me."

"So you ran?"

"Not exactly," Jack said, again calculating his words before speaking them aloud. "My government were aware of the threat and somebody decided that it was better if I was killed by my own people instead of captured by China. They sent somebody to CTU to kill me, but I was tipped off. A couple of friends helped me stage my death to get China and the government off my back. I had to leave, and I did. I ended up here."

Gina looked at him carefully, words almost foreign to her.

"This is all so crazy," she said, "its almost absurd," she said, forcing another smile on her face. Jack didn't know how she could smile even now, after learning of his betrayal.

"I made a phone call, to a friend who helped me, I wanted to get an update on my old life. Somebody tried to trace the call. They were unsuccessful - it could have been China, it could be the government looking for me so they can finish me off - it could have been nothing. I just.. I can't stay here and knowingly put you in danger. If China find me with you… you could be hurt, to hurt me."

"Maybe you're being paranoid," she said, for her own benefit rather than hers.

"Trust me, I'm not."

"Well then," Gina said as she got up to her feet and started to pace the room, "what do we do?"

"We?" Jack asked, getting up to join her.

"Well yeah, I mean… I can't say I understand any of this, and you lied to me… I'm not totally sure I can believe all of this, but I trust you and I want to be with you - that's what matters."

"I could be putting you in danger right now," Jack said as he moved closer to her, not willing to believe that she was taking the news so well, so nonchalantly.

"Well that's a risk we have to take."

"What are you saying here?" He asked, tucking a long golden curl behind her ear, he needed to do it for the distraction, his hands were shaking from admitting the truth to her. He'd been so sure this was it and the relationship would be over, but here she was, barely shrugging her shoulders at the news, the truth, the life he had ran from that had caught up with him once again.

"I think we need to talk. I know there's a lot you aren't telling me, and there are things I probably need to know. Maybe I should tell you a few things myself," she said shyly, "but I meant what I said earlier," she added, gently interlocking her hand in his, "the past doesn't matter - I just want to share my future with you and our baby."

Jack sneaked his hand down to her stomach as he kissed her tenderly on the cheek. "Thank you," he whispered deeply into her ear, "thank you so much."

"I love you," she said, giggling as she whispered the words into his own ear, and as if on cue the baby kicked making them both smile down at the bump once more.

Jack knew he had to tell Gina more, lots more, and they had to discuss what they would do. He knew he probably needed to contact Tony too, and Chloe, maybe they could both get new identities and move away before the baby was born. He knew he needed to start planning things now, but as Gina pulled him back down onto the bed he knew that they needed this more than ever, and so he decided his past could wait as he spent some more time with his future.


	20. Chapter 20

The following morning Gina and Jack lay together in bed tangled between the sheets. Jack was quietly staring up at the ceiling, almost reflectively whilst Gina quietly studied him.

"You know," he said suddenly, his voice soft, almost a whisper, "this baby," he glanced down at the bump and then back up at the ceiling, "it wont be my first child."

He shifted on the bed so he was laid on his side facing her. "I have a daughter who's in her earlier twenties."

Gina looked surprised but she didn't really know what to say. "Does she know where you are?"

"No," he said quietly, "she thinks I'm dead. It was the best thing for her, both governments knew she would be my weak spot, that if I caved I'd go see her. It's safer for her to not know."

"Do you miss her?" she asked tentatively, her index finger slowly running up and down his bare arm.

"Yes. Very much."

"So," Gina said, a hint of humour in her voice although he knew she was serious, "what about her mother. You don't have some wife mourning for you, do you?"

He smiled sadly and shook his head. "Kim's mother, my wife Terri, she died a long time ago."

Gina felt uncomfortable, she didn't know what to say or how to approach any of this. "I'm sorry," she said, feeling stupid because she knew the words wouldn't mean anything.

"Me too."

"You know," Gina said carefully, "I had a child once too. Almost." She didn't know why she was telling him this, she didn't want him to think she was stealing his thunder, just wanted him to know that she had accepted this, this life she knew nothing about. To illustrate her acceptance she thought it only fair that she displayed a few of her own skeletons.

"Almost?" Jack asked, leaning on one elbow against the pillow.

"Yeah. I got pregnant in my late teens. Some jerk who claimed he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me until I got caught pregnant and he split. I had the baby still, I wanted to, I didn't think it right that some poor soul should suffer because of my mistake. My mother wasn't pleased but she helped. Most of my friends got bored and stopped calling and I had no other family so it wasn't a great time. I told myself it would be worth it though, because I would have a child who I could love, so I wouldn't need anything else. I went into labour a few weeks earlier and apparently the little guy wasn't ready, he was still born."

Jack smiled at her sadly and wiped away a tear with the back of his hand. "That's terrible," he said, "I can't imagine what it was like."

"Well I got over it in the end. Moved out of town and on with my life. Just like you I guess," she added, trying to cheer him.

"I guess," Jack said, not sure if he agreed with her.

"Were survivors Jack," she said, surprised that it didn't feel strange to be calling him by this new name, "we'll move on again and this time if will work out."

"I hope so," Jack said, smiling softly as she rolled out of bed and started to dress. Jack sat up and stretched before deciding that it was probably a good idea to get ready. Then he could go find a phone and make some calls, see which threats were present and how they could deal with them. He smiled to himself as he pulled on some jeans and then socks, he liked that Gina knew, his future was more definite. Now the path they took was narrowed and the choices weren't resting on his shoulders alone.

He rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a grey sweater. As he turned to pull it on he noticed Gina was watching him carefully. Her eyes were fixed on his bare chest and Jack swallowed hard knowing what her next question would be.

"Those scars," she said, almost running her fingers over them but not making contact with the skin, "I'm guessing they aren't from a car crash."

Jack looked down, again feeling guilty for all of the lies. "No, they aren't. A couple are gun shot wounds and the others are interrogation marks."

"You mean torture," she said bluntly, adding nothing further to her statement.

Jack nodded his head not knowing what else to say.

"Shit," she whispered under her breath, taking a deep breath before continuing, "well we need to start making some plans right?"

Jack nodded his head and then pulled the jumper on to hide his face. He couldn't' understand how she was being so calm about the truth, almost dismissive, unconcerned. He knew this reaction fit with her personality, she didn't hold grudges and she normally shrugged her shoulders and thought "fuk it" when things went wrong. She didn't dwell on the past, something he was grateful for. A part of him felt stupid for not confiding in her earlier, but somehow knowing she had fallen in love with him and not some dangerous myth instead made him more confident with the way the events had played out.

"I need to make a call," Jack said, thinking aloud, "its probably better that you stay here.

Gina smiled mischievously, "no way Jack, I'm coming along. Besides - how do I know you wont disappear on me too!" She was joking but the comment still hurt Jack, and she realised her error immediately. "I'm sorry, that wasn't very funny was it? Take me along and I'll cut out any stupid remarks my brain conjures up."

She held her hand out to Jack and he gently grabbed it and tightened her grip. "Deal."

The man watched from a sheltered alleyway near the small home as Jack and some unknown woman headed down the street. Judging by the way the girl clung to his arm and the smile on each of there faces they were involved. He clenched his hands into round fists as he tried to control the anger and frustration.

He stayed hidden and waited for another thirty minutes before causally walking across the road and up to the house. He pulled the envelope from Tony from inside his dark jacket and posted it through the rusted letter box. Once the item passed through the door he turned away and headed back to his spot, head down and arms stuck into his casual jacket as he did so. He didn't want anybody to recognise him while he was here.

Back in the safety of the alleyway the man got back into position and waited. Jack would come home at some point, and until then he entertained his mind with angry memories of the man and his betrayal.


	21. Chapter 21

The couple strolled together at a leisurely pace, Gina occasionally asking Jack a question which sprang to mind and Jack taking his time to answer with honesty. Eventually Jack decided it was time to find a phone box and make the call. He tensed slightly before picking up the receiver, knowing Tony wouldn't be happy to hear from him. He snuck a look at his watch and knew he'd be at CTU.

Gina waited outside the box, they knew it would be a tight fit and she wanted to give Jack some privacy. Watching her pace the pavement as she waited Jack hastily dialled Tony's direct CTU line. No point in waiting around, he decided.

"Hey Tony," he said casually, hoping his ease would calm his friend.

Hearing Jack's voice Tony physically paled. "Is… is that you, um… Richard?" Tony asked, trying to play it safe and keep the conversation clean.

"You don't honestly think the lines bugged?" Jack asked, slightly bemused. Now Gina knew everything he almost found the situation amusing. Almost.

"I didn't think you would be stupid enough to call me on it," Tony snapped, "what the hells going on, we agreed to cut off communications."

"Things have changed," Jack said evasively.

"What?"

"I'm sorry Tony, I know you've done so much for me already but I need another favour." Tony leant his head against his desk and stayed silent, so Jack continued. "I need a complete threat assessment. I want to know if we're safe or not, if we are, were probably gonna stay."

Tony growled down the phone and closed his eyes to control his temper. "We?"

"Me and Gina. I… told her the truth."

Silence hung in the air between them. Jack felt a twinge of guilt and apologised. "I'm sorry Tony, but I had to. It wasn't fair on her to live a lie, and I'm not leaving without her."

Tony let out a deep sigh before speaking calmly. "And what if I do the assessment and tell you its too dangerous and you need to leave as soon as possible."

Jack smiled in spite of himself as he sensed his friends frustration. "Then I guess I'm gonna need a new identity, and so will Gina."

Tony exhaled deeply again as he tried to find his words. "Jesus Jack," he whispered, "Chloe will have a heart attack."

"Be optimistic Tony," Jack said, trying to cheer him, "maybe both governments no longer have a desire to kill me and we can stay where we are."

Somehow the comment seemed to slap Tony out of his clouded thoughts as reality hit him hard. "I'm sorry Jack… I do understand why you told her."

"Good," he replied serious again, "I'll contact you tomorrow, see what you have for me."

"Okay," Tony said, "but until then, please be careful."

Jack said nothing but nodded his head strongly before hanging up the phone. As he left the box Gina watched him cautiously but then relaxed when she saw him smile slightly. "I'll contact them tomorrow and see where we stand," he explained, "but until then, there's nothing to worry about."

The man watched as the couple returned, hours later as darkness had settled. He smiled to himself although he felt no pleasure in watching them enter their house, arm in arm, the woman smiling at Jack held the door open for her to pass through.

Gina spotted the single piece of mail on the doormat and eyes it curiously, before tossing it to Jack. It had his fake name scrawled across it, and Jack was familiar with the writing and so tore the envelope open. He read Tony's letter with a small smile but felt another twang of guilt as he realised that Tony had expected his work to be over, but they weren't finished yet. Dropping the letter onto the small table by the door he moved over to Gina and wrapped his arms around her, pulling him to her and holding her tightly, one hand rubbing her back as the other ran through her smooth hair.

The man gritted his teeth as he waited, all the while envisioning Jack spotting and opening the letter. His tension getting the better of him he slowly made his way out of his hiding spot and briskly headed towards the house, no longer able to hold himself back. The closer he got the harder his steps were as he felt his rage peak as he approached his final obstacle, a tattered wooden no windowed door.

"I can't believe how well you are taking this," he whispered into her ear, "I can't believe how much I love you."

Gina giggled, enjoying his touch but embarrassed with his words. "Why don't we move upstairs," she whispered, blowing into his ear as she ran her nails up and down his back through his thin sweater.

Jack pulled her away gently and smiled before stealing a quick kiss. Gina turned to head up the stairs as Jack reached for the key to lock up. As he reached out for the door he was stunned to see it fly open and slam against the wall. A figure hidden by the darkness swung out and threw Jack against the small table and it shattered under his weight throwing him to the floor. Jack tried to scramble to his feet as the intruder took another step into his home but then suddenly froze in shock as he recognised the attacker to be James Heller, who stared down at him with an icy cold glare.


	22. Chapter 22

Gina tore down the few steps she had climbed and plodded through the hallway as fast as she could. She froze and gasped in unheard shock as she watched some familiar looking grey haired man dragging Jack up from the ground. Jack allowed himself to be pulled and then thrown into the wall and she couldn't understand why. Half of her wanted to yell for Jack to fight back and the other to join in herself. Gina started to panic as she wondered if Jack was hurt, he was a strong man yet this ageing stranger was tossing him about like a weightless sack of meat. She silently hurried towards the back of the house knowing she had to find a phone and call the police.

Heller's fury gave him a surge of strength he hadn't felt in years. He grabbed Jack by the front of his sweater as he slammed the man into the wall while roaring in anger. He was aware that Jack was still under his grip, not fighting back; it made the hurt in his heart stronger.

"You son of a bitch," he yelled, trying to ignite him, wanting him to show some resistance, some emotion - anything. Failing to do so he pulled the younger man forward and slammed him back into the wall again with all his might. "You God damn son of a bitch…" He trailed off, spit flying from his mouth as he mimed his curses silently under his breath as he continued to pull Jack back and slam him forwards into the wall. He was out of breath and his energy was quickly leaving him.

Reaching the back door Gina froze in sudden thought with her hand grasped tightly on the doorknob. Would calling the police put Jack in danger? She stayed still a moment, the sound of the intruders yells drifting away in the background as she wondered what the hell she should do. Deciding that she would take no chances she scuttled over to the kitchen and began rummaging messily through one of the drawers.

Jack stayed still against the wall, watching as the older man released his grip given his weakened state and tried to throw punches at the mans chest instead. Jack flinched but the man didn't any power. "You left her Jack," he yelled, grabbing hold of Jack again and staggering backwards with him in the darkened room. Thinking Heller was about to fall Jack grabbed hold of him. Heller fought the grip sending misplaced punches into his arms as he tried to get Jack off of him. Now with his own back against the wall he slid down it, Jack holding him up as best as he could, almost lowering him to the floor to prevent any harm.

On the floor Heller's emotion seemed to peak as a large sob sounded out. Jack felt a lump grow in his throat but pushed it away as Heller again struggled in his grip. Jack didn't know why he was still holding on to him, both arms wrapped tightly around his midsection but as the Secretary of Defence started to cry out loud he realised he couldn't let go even if he wanted too.

The man went weak in his arms as large sobs rocked his whole body. "She'd dead Jack," he cried, "she's gone forever, she's gone!"

Finding his voice Jack bit back his emotion, "I know sir, I know…" Despite his attempt he realised his own voice was thick with guilt and sadness.

Stood at the end of the hallway armed with a butter knife in each hand Gina watched cautiously as the intruder leant into Jacks arms, his cries a sharp wail that made her own eyes water with pity. Jack could feel Gina's eyes on him. He turned his head to face her and slowly nodded his head to her, she took it as her que to leave the two men alone. Looking back at the red faced Heller he could see and feel the man straining for breaths between his sobs. He eased off on his grip and tried to move away from his crouched down position when Heller grabbed him instead and clung to him as though afraid of falling from a great height if he let go.

"I'm so sorry Jack," he said as he pulled into the man, sniffing back the sobs as he tried to control himself. "I'm sorry for this… but I couldn't help but blame you… God I'm sorry," he said as the tears broke through again. Jack watched the grief wrecked face through the darkness as a sadness rolled through his stomach at seeing this man, normally so formal, controlled and powerful whimpering in an emotional agony that can only be caused by death.


	23. Chapter 23

Heller eventually managed to get a hold of himself. When he did he realised he was still in Jack's arms, his tears dampening the mans thin sweater. He moved away to his feet and brushed himself off quickly but was disorientated and dizzy, without realising it Jack had led him to the living room and helped him down into a chair. He left the room and returned later with a glass of water and placed it down on the floor by the chair legs. Heller felt strange, his anger hadn't disappeared like he had imagined, instead it seemed to be converted into more guilt and anguish at himself for allowing his daughter to do what she did.

"She killed herself Jack," he repeated, breaking the silence. He studied Jack as he spoke who was leant against a wall with his arms folded defensively across his chest. A single lamp lit up the dim room and he could see sadness on the younger mans face, but nothing else. Jack was trying as hard as he could to hold his cards against his chest. Heller almost scoffed as he realised he had tried to do the same and instead had broke down. He was embarrassed by his earlier spectacle but somehow knew Jack and respected him well enough to feel okay about it.

"I was just so angry. With myself for missing the signs… I knew you, or at least thought," he said with a slight laugh, "that you and Paul were both dead. It was easy to direct my anger at the pair of you."

Jack shifted slightly against the wall and Heller knew he had to rectify his statement or Jack would personally suffer with what he had said. "I knew it was wrong to do so, nobody was really to blame," he added lamely, "but it was easier to blame you."

He looked at Jack who hadn't once broken eye contact with him and then continued, "so when my son told me he'd been hacking into CTU accounts, I couldn't help but be as suspicious as he was at first."

"Richard broke through the CTU firewalls?" Jack asked. It surprised him how easily he slipped back into his old mode as thoughts hurried into his mind about technicians and protocols that would need to be changed or activated. He shook his head as though physically steering the thoughts away and turned his attention back to Heller. CTU was none of his business now.

"It started off as some sort of revenge thing," Heller said with a smirk, "he was angry with what CTU put him through. He wanted to break in and cause some mayhem. I spoke to him and talked him into being satisfied with breaking through and to stay away. He knew he could get into serious trouble and agreed. But he'd already seen a few things and before I knew it I too was hooked on figuring out if you really were alive, and if you were, who you were."

"So you're the one who found me?" Jack didn't know if this was good or bad. Knowing it wasn't the Chinese who had hunted him down was a comfort but Heller represented the US government and that could be just as dangerous.

"Yeah," Heller said as he hung his head down. "I guess it was pretty damn stupid of me. I threw all of my anger towards two dead people, when I realised one of them was still alive it made sense for me to take some kind of action. So I came and saw you with some other woman and I guess that made me feel worse. Like you shouldn't have…-"

Gina, who had been stood outside the room listening in unable to help herself stormed in. "Like he shouldn't have what? Moved on? Fallen in love with me?"

Jack smirked slightly at how she challenged the secretary of defence. He moved over and took her hand slightly. "Honey I don't think you should get involved."

"Well I am involved," she said sternly, annoyed that Jack was trying to shut her out when he had only opened up to her that very day. "Don't you think?" She asked, tapping her stomach to illustrate her point. Heller couldn't help but smirk at the interaction as Jack slowly blushed and nodded his head.

"So you came here to find me?" Jack continued, allowing Gina to stay as she sat down in a stuffed chair by Heller's.

"I did. And here I am…" He said, holding his hands out and looking defeated.

"What kind of action, "Jack said carefully, "are you planning to take?" Gina's ears perked up and she found herself glaring at the older man who seemed to have disrupted the perfect life she had been planning with Jack.

Heller waited a moment to compose his thoughts. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again as he shook his head slightly. "I don't know Jack. You're supposed to be dead."

"Well I'm not. I'm alive and well, staring a new life. I don't want to waste anybody's time so if you are planning on turning me in just say so and we can run again. With my contacts, you wont find us." He felt strange, challenging the man he had always respected but he wasn't going to back down. This man potentially held his and Gina's future in his hands and Jack wouldn't allow him to throw it away.

Heller smirked, not at all unnerved by Jacks defiance. "If I alert secret service we will find you Jack. Eventually. Are you prepared to spend your life running from the authorities, with this woman and your child?"

Gina was annoyed with the way Heller rudely referred to her and interrupted again. "Well he isn't prepared to leave 'this woman' so I suggest you either do something or drop it. Now."

Jack was surprised to see the fire in her eyes, she looked ready to pounce with her bump and all. Heller knew this too and he felt like he was betraying Audrey's memory by silently noting how the two were both similar characters. Strong, determined and willing to fight for what was theirs.

"You came here for some sort of revenge," Gina continued bluntly as she pulled herself back up to her feet heavily, "at least that's what I managed to hear," she added with a smirk. "But this dead woman, who you both clearly cared about for whatever irrelevant reasons, is still dead. So just forget it. There is no point in trying to ruin Jack to make yourself feel better. You may as well just cut your nose off to spite your face," she added. She took a deep breath and decided to leave the room, it wasn't good for the baby for her to get so worked up.

"I'll wait for you upstairs babe," she said to Jack as she gently kissed him on the cheek, "let me know what the old mans up to once he's gone."

Jack almost paled at the reference to Heller and the secretary of defence himself almost snorted in laughter. Once upstairs and clearly out of earshot Jack let out a loud and deep sigh. "She doesn't realise who you are or what position you have in the government," he explained.

"To be frank," Heller said as he studied his hands, "I don't think she cares."

Jack smiled slightly to himself knowing Heller was right. "But what she said is true sir, either call me in or drop it. But I need you to keep Richard away. Not for me, but for Gina and the baby we are going to have."

Heller looked up at Jack feeling guilty again, guilty for Audrey and for disrupting Jack's life. "I'm always going to think of you when I think of my little girl, and knowing you're off somewhere living your life should make me angry. It did, for a while. But I think Audrey would be happy… that at least somebody got something good out of the madness that happened that day."

Jack swallowed hard. Heller rose to his feet and moved over. He went to shake Jacks hand and instead patted him on the shoulder. "I'm leaving now. I think it best that you and the lady move out, in case Richard tries to defy me again. It wouldn't be the first time," he said with a sigh. "I'm sorry I came here Jack," he said as he headed towards the door with Jack following. "I'm sorry for blaming you, and I hope you don't blame yourself."

Jack smiled guiltily feeling caught out. "I'm sorry for your loss," he mumbled as the older man pulled the door open.

"And I'm sorry for yours Jack," Heller said as he stepped outside into the cool dark air. He looked up at the house and then smiled at Jack nodding his head as he left, the door slowly closing in the breeze. Jack couldn't help but think the man had been referring to move than just the loss of Audrey and somehow, he found the thought comforting. Maybe he would make things right this time, then maybe he could forgive himself and face the regrets he had once cowered away from.


End file.
